Time will say nothing but I told you so

is this really what you want?
or are you just sticking with it now because it’s all you’ve got?

I hate people who love themselves. I find it all a bit sickening.

Hate telling myself that I can’t all the time…but right now I really feel like I can’t.

do you give a toss or are you looking away?
wondering why you can’t eat, why you never sleep?
are you drunk all the time, cold in the heat?

what you sow is what you reap

Suffered systematic brain failure in IR exam yesterday morning. Was writing an essay about guerrilla warfare…

…and trying to think of a good example of a country in which guerrilla warfare occurs. First country that comes to mind is Borneo…

…nope, Borneo has gorillas not guerrillas.

Brilliant.

It feels like sinking under something that is much bigger and stronger than I am. When I accept it we can co-exist quite peacefully, but every time I try to fight it, it just strengthens its grip.

I don’t feel well equipped to deal with anything in life at the moment. I’m totally incapable of making decisions so I just abstain from making the decision at all. I start to freak out over the stupidest things and then when I realise how stupid it is it’s even more frustrating. I’m sick of feeling so vulnerable.

it feels like a massive setback and i know i should want to push past it but frankly i don’t really want to at the moment. i don’t know how i should react but i know how i want to react.

I am feeling exhausted on a whole new scale right now. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep forever but instead I have to revise. I want a cuddle from my mummy :(

the end of paralysis
i was a statuette
now i’m drunk as hell on a piano bench
and when i press the keys it all gets reversed
the sound of loneliness makes me happier

i tried so hard to act nice like a lady
you told me that it was good to be crazy

If I’ve done something wrong I’d rather know about it.

Why we don’t tell secrets

I don’t expect people to understand. Really, I don’t. I remember being on the flipside of the coin, albeit about eight years ago now, and really not getting it at all. I don’t think you can ever really understand until you’ve experience some degree of it yourself. But I was asked, I never volunteered it, and now I’m the one left feeling like I was attention-seeking or being melodramatic or something. I thought for once I didn’t have to lie about what I thought or how I felt but maybe I misjudged that. I’m sick of saying yes, everything’s fine. But if people really knew they either wouldn’t believe it, or they’d try to fix it. And I don’t want to be fixed.

i walk with others in me, yearning to get out
they claw at my skin and gnash their teeth and shout
one of them wants only to be someone you’d admire
one would as soon just throw you on the fire